How to Handle Crisis

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month here in the USA. I had the opportunity to do a slide show project with Fitness Magazine. It’s called A Year in the Life of a Breast Cancer Survivor, and you can view it here.

In conjunction with that project, I thought now would be a good time to write about some of the things that helped me get through being diagnosed with and treated for cancer last year. This isn’t to say I handled the whole experience well every day. Some days were very, very difficult, and I handled them with anything but grace. But on the days that I felt strongest emotionally, here are some of the things that worked. They are things that will help through any kind of crisis—the loss of a family member, the loss of a job, or the diagnosis of a serious illness:

1. Find your control. Believe it or not, in every single situation in life we hold some control. Regardless of what the future holds, you always hold the ability to decide what your attitude will be toward the future. You can decide that even if that rumor is true that you will be fired tomorrow, you will be all right. Being an optimist is a result of creating patterns of thought. You can choose to see the glass half full in every situation from now on.

2. Choose your strategy early. Will you fight against all odds? Will you accept and move into a new area? Will you bend and adapt? Will you come out stronger for having had this experience? Also explore your confidence in your ability to follow the strategy that you’ve chosen. Defining your strategy lets you know how and where to focus your energy.

3.Imagine the worst, but don’t let yourself dwell on the worst. It’s good preparation to think about what may happen; however, your exploration can become purely fear. At that point, there’s nothing productive to be gained. It’s time to pull yourself back to where you are at this moment.

4. Select one place as your crisis-free zone. For me, work was off-limits for cancer talk. My boss and her immediate supervisor were two of just a few people who knew my situation. Of course, some of the ability to keep my situation private was aided by the fact that I telecommute. However, you can still tell people at work or your book club or whatever the group is that you don’t wish to discuss your situation. Having one area of your life cordoned off allows you to be fully present at that activity and free from the questions and comments of well-meaning people.

5. Get back to the basics. Fear unrestrained tends to flood one into a state of paralysis. There were some days that I was just overwhelmed by fearful thoughts of losing my income, my independence, my health. I recall one time sitting in my office, feeling immobile, wondering where to start when I had so many things out of sorts. Then I realized I hadn’t had breakfast and that I was a little hungry. So I went and made some breakfast. I then thought, Well, I’m kind of dirty, too, so maybe I’d better get a shower. When things become absolutely overwhelming, get back to your most basic needs–food, water, shelter, movement.

6. Set up structure. Get some structure fast if you have none. Make a schedule. Make a list of goals. Know that you will be walking on Sundays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays without fail. Set and abide by a sleep schedule as much as possible.

7. Get in touch with your spirituality. This may be religion or it may be something else. For me it was a combination of prayer, meditation, and visualization.

8. Ask your friends for help. This can be very difficult to do if you’re independent. Accept, however, that sometimes one person can’t do it all alone. If your friends know you’re having a hard time, they likely want to help somehow; it’s good for everyone involved. Can they bring you dinner? Babysit? Help with some of the housework? I would suggest writing out all of the specific ways in which your friends and family can help, and then email that list to everyone. That way there will be no one offering you the nebulous “let me know how I can help”—or if they do, you can forward your email with your thanks for anything they’re able to do. Crises have a way of showing us who our true friends are.

9. Choose a low-stress distraction. During chemo I was suddenly determined to have a paperless office. I spent countless hours scanning files. I’ve gone back to having a low-paper office now, but I recognize that episode as a helpful busy-task to get my mind off things. Choose something that will match your energy level and isn’t likely to lead to frustration. Maybe your task would be to clean out the garage or finally paint the dining room.

10. Live in the moment as much as possible. It would be foolish to try to save our life energy for spending only on a possible someday that is free from crisis. When things spin out of control, realize that you are really here, in this moment, sitting at your computer, or eating your next bite of breakfast. You are not in that narrow moment that is so dreadful. You are here, right now, doing something that is not at all dreadful. If you are miserable, do a check to see if you’ve gotten ahead of yourself and are somewhere other than “the now.” If you need help with really internalizing this concept, I highly recommend the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Out of clutter,
find simplicity.
From discord,
find harmony.
In the middle of
difficulty lies
opportunity.

–Albert Einstein

Photo courtesy of Hamed Saber.

What has helped you weather the tough times? Please share in the comments!

If you find this post helpful, please Stumble or Digg it below. I’d appreciate it!