About Stream of Peace

My name is Liora Hess, and Stream of Peace is my blog. Here I write about topics such as meditation, awareness, simplicity, productivity, stress-reduction, and maintaining a balanced, healthy lifestyle.

You may be asking yourself what I know about any of these things, and that’s a great question. After all, anybody can set up a blog and start publishing their writing. This is what I can tell you—that I have experienced major growth in my life in the last 1-1/2 years or so. Let me give you some history…

In 2007, as I started approaching my 39th birthday, I became interested in meditation after having been a sporadic meditator in the past. I started meditating regularly. A few weeks later, after getting out of the shower, I accidentally found a mass in my right breast. I wasted no time in getting to a doctor, and it was confirmed that I had breast cancer.

The cancer diagnosis put me through the full range of emotions I think a person can experience. So many days I felt almost high on life with a joy that was overflowing. There were other times, however, that the fear was so close I could almost touch it. The reality of my own mortality was stark and raw. In those moments, often at night or alone, time moved very slowly. The fear was so intense that I couldn’t imagine physically tolerating it much longer. Then the fear would break only to resume at some other unexpected moment. Meditation and visualization were invaluable in helping me cope with my diagnosis and the ensuing physical and emotional stressors.

I had a lumpectomy (mass removal) followed by weeks of chemotherapy and then weeks of radiation therapy. And over the months I changed.

I have this idea now that the so-called crises of our lives carry with them massive energy. That energy can be devastating. It has the power to keep you down for the rest of your life, whether your prison is fear, guilt, shame, or grief. I’ve come to think of these large events in a new way. Imagine a wild horse; it is powerful, untamed, and potentially deadly. However, if you can somehow manage to stay out from under its hooves and instead wrestle yourself onto its back and cling to its mane, you can then ride to heights you couldn’t have reached as quickly or easily otherwise. The event becomes a potential catalyst for tremendous growth.

I finished my treatment in December 2007, and I’ve learned a great deal since finding that lump on May 11, 2007. Some of the greatest lessons have been about fear.

Fear is not real. It is not concrete. Rather, fear is a creation of our minds, a belief. Since beliefs are learned, beliefs can be changed. We can overcome fear.

Once I began thinking about fear, I started thinking about my reasons for not living a larger life. I realized that many of them were due to fear. Fear of failure. Fear of others not liking me or accepting me. Fear of embarrassment.

Suddenly I started looking with new eyes at all of the things I had looked at wistfully before—all of my wishes, such as I wish I worked out regularly, I wish I weighed less, I wish I were published, etc.—and I found that fear was stopping me from doing so many of them. I was afraid to start a workout plan and quit. I was afraid I wouldn’t lose weight. I was afraid I didn’t have discipline. I was afraid I couldn’t write. I was afraid of being a failure.

There’s something about walking around town, bloated from steroids, bald, and without eyebrows or eyelashes or makeup that can make you say to yourself that you are about as low as you can go. After this experience, what can touch you? What is there to be afraid of? In realizing and accepting your own failure, even the failure of your body, there is opportunity for growth.

As I regained my strength, I continued to think about these things and started putting my wishes into action. I became aware of the excuses I was accepting from myself and others. I realized that if I agreed that these feelings I was allowing to accompany failure were overrated, then I could fail better and with less devastation. I could try more things. I could fail more often! And in the process, I could win more often.

So I set some goals and began taking action. Here are some of the things I’ve accomplished:

• Began practicing meditation and visualization on a daily basis and started to witness the changes that come from consistent practice.
• Joined a gym and began an exercise program. I had visited a new MD who told me “join a gym.” I surprised myself by joining a gym on the way home from his office. I exercised sporadically at first, then became more consistent with it. I regained my strength—and then some.
• Switched to a pescetarian diet (diet that consists of seafood as the only meat). The gym wasn’t enough when I was eating junk food and too many carbs. I gave tofu a second chance, and this time I found it palatable, even tasty. Between the gym and the new way of eating, I almost effortlessly lost over 20 pounds by my next doctor’s visit a few months later.
• Did volunteer work on a regular basis. I learned that this was at least as rewarding to me as it was to the organizations I helped.
• Decided to conquer my public speaking fear. I began giving webinars at work. This turned into opportunities to speak outside the company. I joined and became an active member of Toastmasters International. I am now scheduled to speak at a regional healthcare industry convention in November.
• Started writing regularly. I sent my story of how I coped with cancer to a magazine and learned I would be published. Then I had my photodocumentary of my breast cancer journey discovered by a leading fitness magazine which then asked me to do a project with them; I will be published by them in October.
• Got my home in order. I first decluttered. After losing the weight, it was a joy to take the oversized clothing to charity. I then started implementing some ideas for keeping my home clean and neat.
• Started getting better sleep. My sleep habits needed a major overhaul. I began instituting some rules of sleep, including rising early and going to bed at a set time. These changes resulted in much more energy and eliminated my chronic insomnia.
• Organized my finances. A health crisis tends to do bad things to your financial state. I’m working on improving my money situation. I now know where my money is going, and I have some great tools I’m using to help me. I’ve dramatically reduced my spending as well.
• Simplified my relationships. I had to end some “friendships.” I redrew boundaries of what behavior I would accept from others.
• Rediscovered the joy of reading voraciously. I’ve always liked to read, but I never could seem to find the time to read as much as I wanted. By looking at the balance of activities in my life, I found ways to fit in more reading time as well as tools to find books I would be likely to enjoy.
• Became aware of the importance of balance. I had underestimated the importance of taking care of the basics, and I learned that balance is key to peace. I started implementing ways to achieve and monitor balance in my life.

These goals weren’t accomplished all at once. They weren’t even set all at once. One thing led to another. For example, after joining a gym, I then discovered that wasn’t enough, so I changed my eating. All of these little changes then led to new goals and more changes. Because I had switched to a pescetarian diet, suddenly so many of the restaurants I’d go to for a quick and easy meal really had nothing much appetizing on their menus. So I began cooking more and eating out less. The result was reduced spending and a smaller waistline.

I am imperfect and always will be. I have new goals that I want to achieve. I am still refining the process of living big yet simply, being productive yet maintaining balance and awareness, but I’ve discovered some things since May 2007 that I want to share. They are techniques and philosophies that are working for me. I would love for others to feel as unstoppable as I do right now. And I want to learn from my readers as well.

So please come, read, share, and make yourself comfortable. There’s a very real life we can all benefit from learning how to live better, more productive, more balanced, and more aware.

To life!

Liora